1. |
Now I Know
03:11
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scrape my name off the door
i don’t work there anymore
you pulled a bait and switch
you left me with a bomb
it turns out
you like a girl who’s quiet
who doesn’t undermine you
who says thank you and please
now i know who you are
you came off
compassionate and caring
something made me wary
i still took the bait
in no time at all
your colors were revealing
someone less appealing
by then it was too late
i am not the only one you let down
whispers turned to talk of others run aground
i gave you the benefit
you burned it through
only ugly words for when i think of you
i’ll take my 40k and say
i never want to see your face again
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2. |
Over / Under
03:19
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i’m barely keeping my head above the waterline
losing to invisible enemies
they’re trying to pull me down
admitted to the emergency room
words choked out between sobs
tried to say what was wrong
i don’t know where i begin or i end
wavy at the edges
peering over ledges
i set all my hopes alight
but my efforts go unrecognized
so resigned and so angry at the same time
without faith or control
stealing time in little sighs
waiting for a sign that i will get better
bad to worse back to better again
went home feeling broken
a bird with one wing folded
i poured gold into all of the cracks
busted up but pretty
missing teeth and grinning
i am home
i am alive
wringing every little worry dry
the official report: patient is doing fine
count one for the underdog
call it a miracle
call it whatever you want
i’m happy to be here
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3. |
Anger In The Belly
03:49
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i love you
i don’t have to like you
i can’t control the way you feel
there’s the family that you’re born with and
the family that you choose
you know that i’m not honest with you
i know that you don’t tell me the truth
the rhetoric is caustic
i’m mentally exhausted
with no other way to see it through
keep it surface
follow all your cues
i mean to
i never get around to
telling you what’s on my heart
time is not my friend here
soon’s becoming now
you know that i’m not honest with you
i know that you don’t tell me the truth
the rhetoric is caustic
i’m mentally exhausted
with no other way to see it through
keep it surface
follow all your cues
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4. |
Weeds
03:02
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we’re in the weeds together
we’ll bounce the sound off of the walls
if the lights go out and i can’t find you
we have a few provisions
we have some money saved in case
our eyes are open wide
fixed on the horizon
i thought i was good in emergencies
maybe it’s enough if i remember how to be
we’re in the grief together
deep as an ocean
twice as wide
the waves rock us to sleep
we have made our home here
i thought i was good in emergencies
maybe it’s enough if i remember how to be
tell me that you’ll be okay
tell me that you have the strength
it’s never more than you can take and
it will never go away
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5. |
Planet Houston
02:16
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i didn’t think you’d show
your name was at the door
now you’re sitting next to me
i’m staring at the floor
you lean into my ear
my face is turning red
we talk about the lemonheads
i stop to catch my breath
a wednesday in september
a nearly perfect night
the kind of night when things that never happen actually might
the lights were turned down low
was time for us to play
i could spot your silhouette
outlined from the stage
you walked up to say goodbye
smiled and shook my hand
then disappeared into the crowd
did it even happen
a wednesday in september
a nearly perfect night
the kind of night when things that never happen actually might
for once i wasn’t scared
to ask for what i want
how surprised was i to find out
it was just the start
of bigger adventures
than i ever thought that i would see
for worse or for better
i am who i’m brave enough to be
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6. |
Hammer
04:19
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i’m so tired
the hammer’s coming down again
i’m hardwired
all the signals cross and double back
broken inside
there’s no fixing anything
how do i explain
i’m fighting every day to do the simple things
i've been pretending for so long
a record-setting con
the smile that i always force
reactionary sport
i already work with less
i can’t give anymore
you want me to find some joy
first find me the cure
blowing out the spark
isn’t it delicious
to wallow in the dark
disconnected from the things you know you miss
mend the ripping seam
make it less messy
both feet on the beam
i am wobbling so precariously
i've been pretending for so long
a record-setting con
the smile that i always force
reactionary sport
i already work with less
i can’t give anymore
you want me to find some joy
first find me the cure
why do i continue to feel somewhat responsible
i've been pretending for so long
a record-setting con
the smile that i always force
reactionary sport
i already work with less
i can’t give anymore
you want me to find some joy
first find me the cure
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7. |
Interlude
00:27
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8. |
Not Cool
04:30
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it’s been a long time
now i feel like i can say it
i drew a long line
now i’m ready to erase it
it’s not okay
it’s not okay
i’m not sorry anymore
i don’t know what i was sorry for
i take it back
i am making up my mind
if i’m being honest with myself
this has been the way i’ve always felt
i pushed it down
because i wanted to be cool
it’s not cool
not cool
you know it’s a boy’s club
don’t look so defeated
give a little shrug
pretend he didn’t mean it
sweep it up
under the rug
i’m not sorry anymore
i don’t know what i was sorry for
i take it back
i am making up my mind
if i’m being honest with myself
this has been the way i’ve always felt
i pushed it down
because i wanted to be cool
but it’s not cool
not cool
i have gotten used to certain ways of thinking
doing me more harm than any good
with a shift of light i see your shadow shrinking
now you’re not so scary where you stood
so i’ll say it again
with more emphasis
i’m not sorry anymore
i don’t know what i was sorry for
i take it back
i am making up my mind
if i’m being honest with myself
this has been the way i’ve always felt
i pushed it down
because i wanted to be cool
it’s not cool
not cool
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9. |
House Burned Down
04:10
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i can’t keep it in the house
i’ll drink it down
that never ends well
it’s revealing certain tendencies in me
i don’t recognize myself
have you ever felt like there was nothing to look forward to
all the days are bleeding into one
you could set the stars to “bright” to keep me dazzled for a little while
but i’d rather stay in bed with you forever
hiding under covers from whatever
no plans to make
no plans i need to sever
hiding under covers from whatever
monday morning i woke up with an appetite
for the first time since the house burned down
i don’t want your pity
i don’t want to feel anything
have you ever felt like there was nothing to look forward to
all the days are bleeding into one
you could set the stars to “bright” to keep me dazzled for a little while
but i’d rather stay in bed with you forever
hiding under covers from whatever
no plans i need to sever
hiding under covers from whatever
how long can i fake it
til the devil on my shoulder gives me up
as i have demonstrated
i am terrible at keeping appearance up
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10. |
||||
backpedaling
i said too much to you
you: an unwilling witness to
the words i think versus words i choose to use
open mouth insert foot
the same old news
the best intentions
come with mixed reviews
what’s a girl to do
backpedaling
i said too much
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11. |
Heavy
04:09
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first at 13
then at 19
again at 23
i tried to fit my body into it
the space they said was supposed to be big enough for me
i love others without condition
how do i return that kindness back to myself
every single criticism self-inflicted
a fun house mirror image
looking back at me asking for help
at 35
i was evangelized
whittled down to the perfect size
with 44
around the corner
i keep the cycle on repeat
no better
never free
i love others without condition
how do i return that kindness back to myself
every single criticism self-inflicted
a fun house mirror image
looking back at me asking for help
i am ready to inhabit a space
where shame has no name
holds no weight
where i can show myself a little grace
a soft collapse
a gentle fade
i love others without condition
how do i return that kindness back to myself
every single criticism self-inflicted
a fun house mirror image
looking back at me asking for help
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12. |
Words Are Harder
04:47
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you kiss me on the mouth
i taste my perfume
from my neck to your mouth to mine
my body flushes with heat
my heart beats through my chest
still i remain hesitant
whenever you whisper into my ear
you send shivers down my spine
even after all of these years it’s an awkward come-on
i can’t tell you what i want
you are sweetly patient with me
while i fumble through articulating my desires
words are harder
let’s work smarter
all those syllables are getting in the way
i don’t want to talk
i wanna play
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Pohgoh Tampa, Florida
Formed in 1994. Broke up in 1997. Back at it in 2016.
New album "du und ich" out November 4th on Spartan Records.
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